


Done Being Silenced

by Obsessivecompulsivereadr



Category: Glee
Genre: Implied Kurt Hummel/Dave Karofsky, M/M, Not Blaine Friendly, Not Klaine Friendly, Previous Kurt Hummel/Blaine Anderson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-26
Updated: 2013-01-26
Packaged: 2017-11-26 22:17:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/654989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsessivecompulsivereadr/pseuds/Obsessivecompulsivereadr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt scrolled back to the text that had begun the incident that would now be called "The Day Kurt Hummel Found His Backbone Again," and he reread it...</p><p>Set After Dance With Somebody episode.  Kurt's evaluating his relationship with Blaine after making a choice that he'd never imagined making.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Done Being Silenced

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I tend to be dialogue heavy when I write, and I wanted to practice writing something from Kurt's point of view that wasn't dialogue heavy. And I'd gotten to the point where Glee had just pissed me off with the Blaine slut-shaming and calling Kurt out for behavior that Blaine does too. 
> 
> This was originally posted on ffnet, but since I'm deleting my stories from there, it's being brought over here.... also for people who may want to download for themselves. 
> 
> It's not re-edited (yet), so any errors in the ffnet version are here as well.

Kurt and Blaine.

Those two names had been said together so many times over the past year, that Kurt had trouble separating them in the past few weeks.

Kurt. But not Blaine. Blaine. Without Kurt.

Those sounded strange, even in his head, as Kurt lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling and considering whether or not to get up early on a Saturday.

The words may sound strange, but the situation was how things were now. And as much as he'd always thought a break-up would leave him in a fetal position on his bed, he was surprisingly okay.

He and Blaine wanted different things, expected different things from each other, and honestly, they both wanted those things more than they'd wanted to compromise. The discussion that had led to this realization involved Kurt finally saying no for once. And not backing down.

Being with Blaine had taught Kurt so many things about himself, both good and bad. He'd like to say there was nothing he regretted about Blaine being his first boyfriend, but that wouldn't be completely true. He hoped that he would always have a special place in Blaine's heart, though, and he also hoped that Blaine felt the same, because that's the way it should be.

But they were different people now, after a year of being together, and the Kurt who had been a part of KurtandBlaine was a different Kurt altogether.

He'd been so much more reserved with Blaine, always seeking approval. He'd been a Kurt that settled for being dependent on someone. He'd been a Kurt that settled for being secondary to Blaine's spotlight. Before Blaine, Kurt would have never settled for being second to anyone's spotlight.

Blaine had never actively tried to push Kurt out of the limelight, it was just that somewhere, at some point, the universe had just uniformly decided that the spotlight belonged to Blaine Anderson.

It had always been just a factor of Blaine being Blaine.

People who barely tolerated Kurt's more flamboyant personality soaked up Blaine's. People who'd known Kurt for years had accepted Blaine more quickly than they'd ever done for him. Blaine was always just "more," and it wasn't his fault. Well, sometimes it had been his fault. But not always.

Because another factor had been that Kurt had never tried to break out of the mold he'd been cast in once he became Blaine's boyfriend. The mold had never fit completely, but it had been comfortable. Somehow, Kurt being with Blaine had made Kurt more acceptable in everyone else's eyes. It had hurt. But nobody had really understood why it had hurt.

He'd stopped bringing it up to friends when their eyes would glaze over, and they'd respond with "But Kurt, Blaine is…."

There were thousands of variations of "But Kurt, Blaine is…."

Comments Kurt made were mocked. If Blaine repeated them, he was praised. Listened to. Taken seriously. Blaine fit in where Kurt was outcast. Blaine was favored where Kurt was tolerated. Blaine was more where Kurt was always less.

Once Kurt had realized that Blaine himself acted this way, his eyes had been opened, reluctantly at the time, but opened nonetheless.

And Kurt had allowed that to go on for so long, that he'd forgotten who he used to be. Before Blaine, he'd been bolder, braver, and determined. He'd been a Kurt that would never settle for being second best to anyone. He hadn't been afraid to say what he wanted. He hadn't been afraid to push the envelope. He'd challenged others, and he'd fought to be able to be the person he'd been born to be. He had been proud that he hadn't fit in. Being different had always been the best part of him.

Sometimes Blaine had made him feel like being different was wrong. And that fitting in was right, which had been ironic for a guy who'd worn bow ties, short pants and no socks to a public high school.

There had been small things. Changes he'd made that he hadn't even been aware he was making.

He remembered when he sang Don't Cry for Me, Argentina to audition for the Warblers.

The hand. Blaine telling him silently to put his hand down, because being too emotional wasn't right. For the Warblers. For him. Being emotional meant you didn't fit in. So, he'd done as Blaine suggested. It had been, again, ironic, since he'd discovered later Blaine's tendency to over-emote in song.

It hadn't been the last time Blaine had silently requested that Kurt try harder to fit in, and were they still together, he was sure there would have been many other times. Sometimes, Kurt felt like when he tried to talk, Blaine was embarrassed about what he might say. Blaine had never come right out and said it, but Kurt had definitely gotten the message.

There were other things too.

Blaine's temper. His need to be right all the time.

The fight over Chandler, which had been nothing but a mess of hypocrisy on the part of Blaine Anderson.

Kurt had always known there had been more to Blaine's relationship with Sebastian than his boyfriend ever admitted to, but Kurt had never pressed him. Never demanded to know the truth. Never searched through Blaine's phone, though he was at times, very tempted.

The skyping, the phone calls he never told Kurt about, the late night facebook messages, the texting. It had all been family-friendly, according to Blaine, but Kurt felt that the phrase really didn't exist in Sebastian Smythe's world.

But when Blaine had looked him in the eye and said that to Kurt, knowing full well how much Kurt hadn't approved of his communication with Sebastian, he'd gotten angry. When Blaine had known that Sebastian had taken every opportunity to tell Kurt how much he wanted Blaine and would have him eventually, the accusation of cheating with Chandler had been like a slap in the face.

But Kurt had backed down again. And he'd apologized, despite that fact that he felt he still hadn't done anything to apologize for. If it had been okay for Blaine and Sebastian to talk on the phone without Kurt's knowledge, then it should have been appropriate for Kurt to text with Chandler without being accused of cheating. After all, none of Chandler's texts were blatant attempts to have sex with Kurt. Unlike what Sebastian had done with Blaine. Unlike the comments of 'sex on a stick' and 'Blaine's too good for you.' The blatant attempts to break them up. Chandler had done nothing like that.

 

He was angry with himself that he'd backed down again, despite how angry he had been with Blaine. Angry with his friends. He'd had to force himself to stop thinking about the humiliation of being sung that song in Glee. A song that had no truth to it at all. A song he hadn't deserved.

So he'd countered with a song he knew would have hit Blaine where it would matter the most.

He'd sung 'I Have Nothing,' to send the only clear message that Blaine would have found acceptable at the time. The only song powerful enough to make Blaine 'forgive' him for a wrong he hadn't even done.

A declaration that no matter what, Kurt would be nothing without Blaine.

That's what Blaine had been looking for.

Confirmation that he was the best thing, if not the only thing, in Kurt's life.

Confirmation that Kurt would always put him first.

So, he'd sucked it up and done it.

Kurt had even talked to Sam about it, before he'd sung it, because his friend had been so angry with Blaine over the cheating serenade in class. Sam hadn't really agreed with Kurt's choice of song either, because he felt that it had sent the wrong message to Blaine. Sam had argued that Kurt would always have other people in his life, and he'd always have his future.

Sam had reminded him that he wouldn't be 'nothing' without Blaine in his life.

Sam had told him that he could still be everything, even without Blaine.

It wasn't the first time Kurt had backed down and apologized when he shouldn't have done so. When he'd done what Blaine had asked. When he'd stepped up and taken the blame that hadn't belonged to him. And were they still together, it probably also wouldn't have been the last either.

They'd made it through the Chandler fight still a couple, but only because Kurt hadn't pressed the issue. He'd apologized, and he'd told Chandler to stop texting him. He'd broken off all contact with the other boy. Just as Blaine had insisted.

It hadn't been the first time Blaine had insisted on Kurt cutting off contact with people.

And he still felt guilty for the first one.

David Karofsky.

He'd told David they'd be friends, and he'd meant every single word at the time he'd spoken them. David needed a friend, one who could understand what he was going through. One who could help him begin the slow process of healing.

He had decided not to tell Blaine about David's Valentine's Day gifts because of Blaine's temper. After all, he'd patiently and gently turned David down at the time, and that had been the final outcome until David's outing. There would have been no reason for Blaine to get angry, but he would have nonetheless.

And looking back, he was very glad he hadn't told Blaine at the time, because he would have been accused of cheating with David too, if the texting conversation with Chandler could also be defined as that.

He'd gone to the God Squad when David had tried to kill himself, because he knew he couldn't go to Blaine. Not unless he could admit what he'd felt guilty about, and that would have created more problems than he could have dealt with at the time.

Blaine disliked David, and that was pretty much it in Blaine's world.

Now granted, Kurt had hated him as well, but that had been a very long time ago. And David wasn't the same David anymore. That hadn't mattered to Blaine though. He hadn't come out and said it, but Blaine hadn't exactly felt any sympathy for David for the suicide attempt.

Others had done the same, but it had hit Kurt harder when it came from Blaine, who had in common with David the very thing that David had felt so alone about.

When Kurt had mentioned wanting to contact David, to see if he was okay, his suggestion had been shut down. Blaine had all kinds of 'appropriate' reasons why Kurt shouldn't be around him.

David wasn't emotionally stable, as evidenced by the fact that he'd tried to take his own life.

David was a bully who'd practically assaulted him with a kiss and had assaulted him with shoves and pushes and an ignorant pre-acceptance of himself hatred.

David wouldn't change, because bullies were bullies, and David could end up as abusive one day.

None of those reasons had sounded right to Kurt. But they'd sounded right to Blaine. It hadn't mattered to Blaine that David was a different David than he'd been a year ago. Blaine would never see him for anything other than a closeted bully. Because that was the mold Blaine had made for him, and you don't break out of his molds. Kurt should know.

And all of the reasons had been detailed by a Blaine who had no knowledge of Valentine's Day. Because if he had known, 'cheating' would definitely have been on this list as a reason why Kurt should stay away.

The reasons had sounded wrong because Kurt had forgiven David for the bullying and the kiss, and Kurt had never considered it sexual assault. He'd called it a hate-kiss, and that's as bad as it had been. David had hated himself, and he'd hated Kurt for being so damn proud when all he'd been was scared, and he'd acted impulsively.

There had been a time in Kurt's life when something had felt almost like a sexual assault, but that hadn't involved David Karofsky at all. But Kurt tried not to think about that situation most of the time. It was in the territory known as water under the bridge right now.

Another reason Kurt stayed away from David initially was that he truly believed that David was confused about being in love with him. That confession was another thing Blaine didn't know about. And again, looking back, it was a good thing he didn't, based on Blaine's overreaction to the Chandler incident.

He'd sat across from David and detailed a list of reasons why it was crazy for David to think he was in love with Kurt on Valentine's night. And he was willing to admit he'd left a lot of positive things out.

He'd mentioned the bullying to David, but not the boy's dedication to the bullywhips. He may have not wanted to participate to begin with, but even after it hadn't been necessary anymore, he'd continued to do it. Until he'd transferred to another school.

He'd mentioned the conversation at the bar, but not how proud he was of David for the 'baby steps.' How that smile on David's face as he sat at the bar was one time he'd truly seen David happy.

He'd mentioned the hate-kiss but not the near-outing on the stairs the next day. And how much he and Blaine had been responsible for the fear in David's face that day.

There had been a lot of things he should have said to David that night that he hadn't, because of Blaine.

The original calls from David, the ones leading up to his suicide attempt, Blaine never knew about. He hadn't wanted to lead David on, and that's why he hadn't answered. But one of those calls had come the day of the attempt, and that call brought Kurt out of his version of reality.

It had made him realize that what Blaine wanted wasn't always the right thing for Kurt to do.

So he'd visited David at the hospital. He'd promised to be friends.

And Kurt had tried to be friends with David.

They'd texted with each other a few times, and neither said anything about Valentine's Day.

The texts were nothing but platonic, because Kurt had placed David's confession into a little box in his mind labeled "Not Allowed to Think About This."

David had accepted that Kurt had turned him down, and David was gentleman enough to leave the subject alone. They'd texted about his school, North Lima High, and how he was doing with his scholarships. They'd discussed their futures, and Kurt had steered clear of discussing New York once David had admitted to applying to NYU and Columbia.

They texts had been so stilted and awkward, for both of them, all because they weren't talking about what they needed to talk about.

Kurt had told him that they couldn't visit each other, because of Blaine, and David had accepted that without argument. On some days, David texted to complain about his mother, and her continued desire to send him to a camp that would brainwash the gay out of him, and on those days, Kurt cursed her with every breath while texting continued encouragement to David.

One day, David had mentioned that his father had asked about Kurt, and Kurt had told him that Burt Hummel had often wondered how David was doing as well.

After a while, David and Kurt had stopped texting. It hadn't been either one's fault. David had become busy with sports, with applications to college, with new friends, some of whom he'd mentioned to Kurt without really going in to detail about them. He'd gotten busy with the issues involving his mother and his father.

David had gotten busy with his life, and that was as it should have been.

Kurt had been busy with his auditions, Glee, college applications, and everything Blaine. His future. His continued guilt that he hadn't done enough to help David.

Then had come Blaine's withdrawal, his avoidance of Kurt and his insistence that it had been because he was trying to learn how to live without him.

And with that had come Chandler. And the fight heard round the choir room.

Kurt held up his cell phone to look at it.

The offending piece of equipment that Blaine had refused to give him back initially, because of the stream of texts Chandler had sent that had led Blaine to investigate his phone.

Kurt had played it off that he'd wanted his phone back to keep Blaine from seeing Chandler's texts. Which made him look guiltier than he'd been, he could admit that.

But what had scared Kurt the most was that right under Chandler's name in his contact list was the name David Karofsky. And though David's texts were even more platonic than Chandler's had been, Blaine would have been angrier over those than he had been over Chandler's.

Because he'd already made it clear to Kurt that he hadn't wanted him to contact David, and Kurt had done it anyway.

He'd felt relief when he'd finally gotten his phone back, but he should have expected that Blaine might check it again. He really should have seen that coming from a mile away. And weeks later, Blaine had proven him right when he'd searched Kurt's phone again.

Because in reality, Blaine didn't trust him. But he'd always expected Kurt to trust him around Sebastian.

Where Kurt had gone wrong was in his assumptions.

He should have realized that if Chandler went to North Lima, he might know David.

And when he'd texted Chandler to tell him that his boyfriend was angry with him over the texting 'relationship,' and that they had to stop talking to each other, he maybe should have expected Chandler to share that with people he might know.

Like his friends. Who apparently did include David Karofsky.

So when he'd gotten a new text, from a number he hadn't heard from in close to three months, he really shouldn't have been shocked that the content of the text had included Chandler's name.

Kurt scrolled back to the text that had begun the incident that would now be called "The Day Kurt Hummel Found His Backbone Again," and he reread it.

From David: WTF is wrong with Blaine? You can't even have friends now? Chandler is harmless.

And that text was what had set Blaine off yet again. It had been the most recently received one, and apparently Blaine's 'concern' for Kurt had led him to make sure that Kurt had followed through on his decision to stop texting Chandler.

Of course, a person without an anger problem would have seen that the text meant that Kurt had followed through on his decision and cut Chandler out of his life.

But as he'd expected, the Davidness of the text had been worse than the Chandlerness of it.

And Blaine had begun replaying the betrayal song. About how Kurt had promised that he'd avoid David, all the while scrolling through Kurt's phone again, this time in the David Karofsky texting timeline. He'd read aloud the texts, and the implications in his voice had made no sense. The texts weren't even flirty at all, but because they'd been David's, Kurt was again guilty without a trial.

Kurt had attempted to explain that he'd felt bad about ignoring David, and that he was trying to be a good friend to someone who'd needed it. And that they hadn't texted each other in months.

What Blaine had heard was "Blah blah blah David texted me because I'm clearly cheating on you again Blaine blah blah blah."

Kurt had sat on his bed listening to Blaine's diatribe again, one almost identical to the one weeks ago over Chandler.

And he finally realized, at that very moment, that no matter what he said, it wouldn't be enough because Blaine was going to believe what Blaine wanted to believe.

So he let Blaine vent his anger, and he listened as Chandler was brought up again, and he just sat, eyes closed, waiting for it to be over.

Then Blaine held out Kurt's phone, demanded that Kurt text David back, right then, in front of him, and tell him to never contact Kurt again.

Kurt looked up at him, and the look of revulsion on Blaine's face looked so similar to the day he'd sung "It's Not Right But It's Okay" in Glee. His look of pure rage at Kurt for doing the unthinkable again. At least in his own mind.

Kurt just stood up and took the phone from Blaine.

Then he adjusted his clothes, and taking a deep breath, he looked at Blaine.

"No," he'd said.

That one simple word had shocked Blaine to the core. He'd glared at Kurt and demanded to know why.

And Kurt had answered him.

Because he wasn't going to cut David out of his life again simply because Blaine had trust issues, yet expected Kurt to trust him without question.

Because he'd never wanted to cut David out of his life in the first place, and he resented being guilted into doing so.

Because he was tired of the constant reminder that Blaine thought nobody else should find Kurt attractive, because clearly only Blaine could, but yet Kurt had been forced to put up with Blaine's relationship with Sebastian for months.

Because he was tired of being told that he couldn't have any other gay male friends in his life because they didn't happen to be named Blaine Anderson.

Because Blaine was controlling, and Kurt was tired of being made to feel guilty for things that he hadn't done wrong.

And finally, because he was done being silenced.

Blaine had stared at him through his tirade, and then he'd requested it again. He'd calmly looked at Kurt and asked him to text David and tell him not to contact Kurt again, so that they wouldn't have another Chandler situation on their hands. Then he'd gone on to suggest that after Kurt had done so, they could go back to talking about this like calm and rational people. But in order to talk more about it, Blaine said that Kurt would have to cut David off again. He'd called the request non-negotiable.

And Kurt had said no again.

And then Blaine had walked out, telling him that if Kurt wasn't willing to do this for him, then they were through. Again. No compromise was acceptable because Blaine didn't want one.

Kurt had just let him walk out. Because he wasn't backing down this time.

Kurt had always backed down, over and over. He'd always done what Blaine asked, demanded, suggested, wanted, the list went on and on for Kurt.

Until the one day he hadn't. And Blaine had broken up with him over it.

Kurt continued playing with his phone, and he stared at the text again.

Then he backed out of the text listing and scrolled down the contacts list, finding David's name and pressing the send button.

"Kurt?" David's voice sounded shocked when he picked up.

"Hi David," Kurt replied. "How have you been?"

"Kurt? I'm okay. What's going on?" David's voice had transitioned from shocked to concerned.

"Nothing. I'm just catching up on some phone calls I've needed to make for months now."

"Okay, Kurt. Something's wrong. I can tell. So spill it."

"I'm fine David. Can't a friend call another friend without there being anything weird about it? When I hang up with you, I'm thinking of calling Chandler too."

"Kurt, what's going on? Blaine acting crazy again?"

"I actually wouldn't know. I haven't heard from Blaine in a few weeks."

"What?"

“Didn't you hear, David? I'm not with Blaine anymore."


End file.
